Friday, November 16, 2012

Government Bails out Hostess Brands, Saves Twinkies

Today, the Obama administration bailed out the ailing Twinkie and Ding Dong maker in a surprise move.  Under conditions of the agreement, Hostess Brand will receive some loan guarantees and lots of taxpayer funds in exchange for union job protections.  A nationwide strike by the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers Union had all but drained the ailing confectionary of financial resources.  Without taxpayer funds, some 18,000 workers would have lost their jobs, and more importantly, there wouldn’t be any more Twinkies.

Under precedent used in the GM reorganization, the striking union will receive most of the funds while the bondholders, who are normally protected as secured creditors, will receive nothing save a lifetime supply of Twinkies.

A spokesperson for the Obama administration said that saving the Twinkie brand meant more than just saving jobs.  A recent Gallup poll showed widespread support for saving the iconic Twinkie brand.  After all, what would we deep-fry at county fairs across America had Hostess gone under?  Fortune cookies?


  1. C'mon - this is funny, right? Why is bailing out Hostess, or any private company, any less absurd than the bailout of GM? If you can justify one, why not another?

  2. It's ridiculous. I remember when GM was bailed out. Those of us who know what's up were saying it would set a precedent of bailouts. Looks like we were right.

  3. FYI - we didn't bail Hostess out. Maybe I should write for the Onion. Pretty good, huh?

  4. Oh, thanks bro! I already bitched about this to people.

  5. Are you serious!? LOL. Too funny.

    I guess my humor and dry wit was a bit too subtle to give away my good spoof job.